All of us have been asked, at some point in time, this simple question; “Other than your parents, whom do you admire the most?”. The question may be simple but it begs a thoughtful answer. Other than the name, the answer has to be well reasoned as well:

• Describe the person
• Why do you admire him/her?
• What memories do you carry about him/her?

Also, certain stock answers like Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, Lee Kuan Yew, Winston Churchill are disallowed unless you have had close interactions with them. What follows is my answer to the question.

My paternal grandfather is the person that I look up to. If I have to use one word to describe him it would be THE ROCK. Merriam Webster describes Rock (noun) as a large mass of stone forming a peak or cliff. And if you look at the properties of the rock, it is solid, strong, reliable, provides shelter (as in a cave), can be a bulwark and so on. So when I chose to describe my grandfather as the Rock, I am admiring these qualities in him!

I do not remember my early childhood spent with him, other than through some fading photographs. But, my earliest recollection was when I was about six years or so. I was staying at my maternal grandfather’s house. My guess is that my mother was there as well, expecting her second child. Suddenly there was a lot of commotion in the house, which was unlike typical quiet evenings. My aunt had not returned back from college at the usual hour. My maternal grandfather was questioning her classmates. It was dark and gloomy outside. The rain started to pound. I presume, phone calls would have been made to the college and other places. But, with the family in panic, it probably required the calm intervention of a third party. My paternal grandfather arrived on the scene and took over the “investigation”. A van was organised and the search party was on its way, despite the blinding rain. It all ended on both a happy and sad note (happy for some and sad for others!), details of which I do not wish to go over here. What I recall, even today, is the presence of the ROCK!

He was tall, solidly built, clean shaven and bald. He was a Government of Kerala officer of the Civil Supplies Department. In early days, the department was in charge of equitable distribution of food to the families, ensuring ration cards were issued (they were the primary identity), and checking malpractice in the shops. Kerala apparently had the best Universal Food Distribution system in India in the years post independence. I am sure his many efforts would have laid the foundation for the Universal Distribution System.

Reputation always precedes the man. Here are a couple of stories gleaned from conversations with my father.

Once upon a time (this would have the early fifties), there was a severe shortage of rice in Kerala. A consignment of 5000 tonnes of rice had arrived at the Bombay Port. The question was how to get it released and transported to Kerala for distribution. My grandfather was asked to find a solution. He apparently said, “We have to go to Bombay immediately”, without batting an eyelid. He along with his superior reached Bombay, figured out a way to get the shipment released and worked with the railways for early transport of the consignment to Kerala. Mr C Thomas, who was the IAS officer in charge, honoured him with the title “Anna Dada”, for saving Keralites from starvation.

It was not the age of computer. So, knowing history and facts pertaining to any case was essential for taking decisions. And, when new officers take charge of departments, they need dependable deputies to enable smooth functioning. The Rock was a man tailored for this purpose. He had a powerful memory combined with an outstanding grasp of the subject. Mr Malayattoor Ramakrishnan, an IAS officer and writer used to call him the Human Computer! It is no wonder then that the service of the Rock was extended four times after retirement.

It is also very rare for bureaucrats in Government to visit the houses of officers, during the service period (typical behaviour is for a summons to be issued to your subordinate) or long after your service period is over. His last boss, Mr Madhavan Nair, was a regular visitor, even after a couple of decades after retirement. They even started to work together for many years thereafter, in assisting common folk to avail Government services.

Early part of his life was not that rosy. We are now going back to pre independence days, around 1925. Due to financial situation in the family, he was unable to study past Grade 10. And getting a job was important to bring income into the family. My great grandfather was working at Devikulam (near Munnar, Kerala) and was able to find him a position as an assistant to a Sayyippu (meaning a foreigner). He studies typewriting and shorthand. His career progressed slowly and finally he was able to move to Trivandrum probably in the early 40s to work in the Survey Department of the Government.

The house in Trivandrum was a street house. The story goes that his grandfather was one of the Shastrigal (Holy priests) who was welcomed and relocated to Trivandrum from Tamilnadu to look after the affairs of the community temple. And the street house was were they were accommodated. Street houses are narrow with common walls with neighbours on either side. There is a room or two upstairs. Generally you traverse from one room to the other till you reach the kitchen, which is always the last room. Beyond the kitchen, one has the bathrooms, an outhouse (where cows were kept once upon a time) and then comes the back yard with neem, mango, coconut and gooseberry trees. [Note: If you want to read about the state of affairs in agraharams see the article here.]

But the house had only ornamental value as the going was tough with the meagre income. He was the sole breadwinner for the extended family including his sisters. It was but natural to resort to loans to meet ends and take additional loans to meet the obligations of the previous loan. But his good nature and hard work had to ultimately pay off. The financial situation improved in the early 50s and he was able to pay off the loans and become debt free. Electricity came to the house, so did piped water supply and later the telephone!

While I schooled for three years staying with my maternal grandparents in Trivandrum (Mid 1970s), a visit to the street house was always a welcome change. I have seen him spent a lot of time in the kitchen and he was a great cook as well. (My grandmother suffered from asthma and therefore found it difficult to spend time in the kitchen). Did I get pampered? I do not think so. There was complete absence of junk food (meaning chocolates and sweets), oats was a regular feature, but affection was available in plenty. I had the freedom to play with neighbours and visit the local temple all by myself. I was even taken to an English movie!

He was fiercely independent. My grandmother died when he was in the early 70s. Having fathered only two children and one of them leaving for the heavenly abode rather soon, that left the ROCK only with my father for company. So, in all fairness, he agreed to come and stay with us. The initial days were one of trying to adjust to each other’s routine. But with time, one thing became very clear – he was a fish out of water. At that age, you need the sameness of routine to cling to, a few friends to gossip with, in addition to having a purpose. What was home for a better part of 50 years had to be abandoned for a new home. Despite the distance, he went back to visit his friends often. But, we could see that he was not happy. Over a period of time, the adjustments were not sustainable and he chose to go back to his familiar surrounding. It was a small matter that the street house was let out. In consultation with the tenant, he choose to stay in the outhouse at the back, all by himself!

My maternal grandfather passed away when he was in his 60s. He and a few members of his family were staying with us for a night (we lived in the same city) after a visit to the family temple. The death was sudden, the local doctor who arrived fairly quickly could do nothing to revive him. The ROCK came home late in the night, took care of all the formalities and spend time with the family. His mere presence was calming.

The Rock was devoted to his community. Over a period of time, the local Agraharam and temple organisation had become dysfunctional. Since he had retired by that time, the position of the President of the Agraharam was offered to him. He left his stamp as usual. The temple organisation was streamlined. Complaints of the residents were addressed. The eligible residents were able to access old age pension thanks to his contacts in Government. He was Anna (elder brother) to many in need.

During my final years of college, my father had to undergo a surgery. Since the required expertise was not available in our home town, it was decided to have the consultation and later the surgery in Madras. The father accompanied the child, while I was left alone to focus on my studies. My father tells me that this was not the first time – the Rock accompanied my father when he joined his first job in the town of Palghat!

When I graduated and was ready to fly out for my first job, I went and met him to seek blessings. He was extremely happy. I could also sense a twang of sadness at the thought of ensuing separation. When I came home for my vacation, we met again. Apart from the general enquiries on the details of the job, the discussion was about how I am coping with being away from home and my food habits. We had a good time. Alas, that turned out to be my last meeting. I moved to Mumbai thereafter, and one evening came the news of his passing away. I could not rush back, and was advised to stay put. In one sense, this was a wise decision, as in my memories resides the Rock as a friend, philosopher and guide – not as an inanimate piece of earth.

It has been over 30 years, and in each troubled situation I look back at the ROCK and imagine what would he do or say to me.

In the words of Victor Frankl – “Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life…. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it”, no better way to describe the ROCK.

If, I were to distil my grandfather’s life into principles, these would be the six of them.

Principle 1 : Be useful to others

We have all been blessed with some uniqueness. The spirit of good living is to see how we can channelise our capacity in service of others.

Principle 2 : Be Independent

Be fiercely independent to the extent that you should be able to look after yourself even in the later part of life.

Principle 3 : Love & Affection

There is a fine line between affection and excessive fondness. The latter can be overbearing. Mastering the difference and letting go as you grow older is an art.

Principle 4 : Discipline

An innate sense of discipline makes everyday productive and helps in recharging the system day after day.

Principle 5 : Energy and Purpose

Energy and a sense of purpose feed into each other creating a very strong elixir for life.

Principle 6 : Simplicity

Seek nothing more than what is needed and shun all wants.

So, who is your ROCK?