Do we appreciate people when they are alive? Or do we see their greatness only when they are no more? My favourite Uncle passes away a few months ago. This is my gratitude towards him. Pranam.

My earliest memory was when I was really young. A well dressed gentleman would come to drop/pick up his family for summer vacation to my home town. It was an occasion to play with my cousin. They would fly in from Bombay, he would spend a short few days mostly to pick them up. The world that they lived, I could hardly imagine.

Providence took me to that world very shortly. This time there was a role reversal. I could spend the summer vacation with them. It was a high rise apartment with long corridors. I am getting in and out of elevators for the first time (with floor buttons in white with black lettering). Down below, youngsters were playing cricket. Next door was the Worli Dairy where sweetened milk and raw milk was always available. And the Arabian sea stretched all the way across to some other world! My memory of the man was one who was loving and affectionate and who would take us out to see the sights of Bombay.

A few years passed and I was now more grown up, finished high school and then I had the occasion to visit Mumbai again. This time, I enjoyed a few moments with him alone in his car, driving around the queens necklace and Bandra. During one of these road travels, the car in front suddenly stopped and we ended up brushing the rear bumper. The man in the car in front was abusive. My favourite uncle only had to open the door and get out on the road to scare the poor fellow away. Lesson 1 : Courage!

He was about to take possession of his new apartment. He was clearly looking forward to moving in there. He would ask my opinion and I would have given some suggestions or only nodded my head. Not sure what he hoped to get out of me. May be he was testing my engineering mind. Lesson 2 : Make others feel important. They are part of our journey.

Next I hear that they are shifting to Madras. Why, I asked? The reasons became clear to me only much later in one of our adult conversations. His promotion was being withheld because of the Marathi movement in Bombay. He was feeling suffocated for no fault of his. He had a better opportunity to be the director in a South based company. This meant some sacrifices to lifestyle, Bombay and relocation blues for the family. But, if your principles are being violated, no prize is worth it. It is better to go along an alternate path. Lesson 3 : Be clear on your principles and do not compromise.

The next few years was a great period of bonding. For one reason or the other I was a regular visitor to Madras. Uncle’s house was always fun. Good food, bonding over cards or carrom and general discussion around the well being of others. Outside the tough interior, I realised that he had compassion, which was clearly reserved for a few. When my father had to undergo a surgery in Madras, he was the one who made sure that we had a home to stay and someone who cared. In the many times I visited, especially for attending job interviews or writing competitive exams, he made sure that I was welcome and my logistics were taken care of. Visit to the Madras Gymkhana Club was also a regular outing. Snacks, beer and curd rice! I consider ourselves to be lucky to have received the love and affection that was showered on us. His home was also the lucky charm or launching pad for my career as well. Madras was the transit point when I joined my Job1 and also when very quickly I decided to move to Job2. If I can recollect one thing in return, I had the opportunity to be of being available when his son started University in Surat and in Mumbai and his career in Bangalore. In a small way he was influencing me to care for others as well. Lesson 4 : Shower your love unconditionally.

Life moved on, we met infrequently thereafter due to my own compulsions of starting a family and moving to cities far away. However, in my heart of hearts, I knew that we can always start where we left off. When we decided to move to Madras ourselves, about 20 years ago, it was a blessing for us. He had more or less wound up a business he had started and settled into a grandfather role. He had chosen an area in Madras called T Nagar, but ended up moving several houses. It is still not clear to me why he did what he did, but I guess he probably hated the idea of permanence. Perhaps, he wanted himself to be flexible. Or may be there was some other reason. We met, not very regularly in the initial years, but meet we did. Discussions were more about, economy, markets, the political leadership or lack thereof, or even about his travels to the US to be with his son and family. His humour was intact, his ability to laugh at the society in general and a few in particular would throw us into splits all the time.

In the last few years, my wife and I had the most joyous moments of our life in his Company. Never one to complain, he had his routine of morning prayers, visits to temple, coffee (he loved the degree coffee), and good food. We used to look forward to his company, coffee and conversations. He valued his family relationship and we could see that he was becoming sad as one by one his siblings started to pass. He was the youngest, and for the oldest brother’s family he was like a son. He made sure that he was available for those extended members in these trying circumstances.

He was a finance man and that perhaps explained his meticulous nature when it comes to money. He probably managed it well and inculcated some of those habits in people around him, as well. He would take up responsibilities related to real estate, investments and wealth for his family.

In relationships, sometimes it is important to draw a boundary, but at the same time be available for people in distress. He was a man who epitomised this. There is a fine dividing line between the two and managing that is an art. For certain things my way, but for many others I will help find you a way. A lot to learn in this respect from him. Lesson 5: Live life on your terms.

The end was a bit sudden, and Universe was kind to him. I will miss the man, and genuine warmth in our conversations. Lucky to have had this association. Only regret is, I could have made more effort to be in his company. But gratitude neverthless.